I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Randomize
