You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
