ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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