if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
