I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
