I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
