"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
