i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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