I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
