I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
