My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He passed out mid-signature
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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