Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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