i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
