Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
