so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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