I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
