next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
