ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
