so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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