So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
