Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dicks are not precious.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
