Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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