Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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