Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
