Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
