She went from zero to smokin in five shots
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
