It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
