We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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