1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
