woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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