apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
