He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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