I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
