the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
