I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
