Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
