the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
