i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
