does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
