A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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