i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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