I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
