you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
