and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
