I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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