Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
