my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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