It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
