If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
