dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
