A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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